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CMWF Blog

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Welcome to the CMWF Blog! We hope you'll find some encouragement and comfort here through stories of military life and truth from God's Word.


When Fear Takes Over

I have a confession to make. Seven years and four deployments into this Army life, I still wrestle with fear. We all do. I tell my fellow Army wives that battling fear is a daily struggle. There is no magic pill, special prayer, specific activity, or pithy quote that instantly unfreezes you. That keeps you calm when he hasn’t called and he's on a mission and you are spiraling into crazy, imagining all that's gone wrong. You fight every day and towards the end, you sleep a little easier, you breathe more. You surrender every day to a loving, merciful Savior with a Master Plan and irresistible Grace.

 

But fear still lurks. 


Just months ago, on this most recent New Year’s Day - I found myself momentarily paralyzed. There was a hailstorm. Out of nowhere. I was so confused. As I was scrambling to pick up the chalk scattered over my garage parking space so I could get my car inside, I had an epiphany. I was contemplating how (or if) I wanted to write about the last year, to wrap it up in a neat little package, or maybe write about next year, what I want to do, hope to do, have fooled myself into thinking I will do . . . but I realized that the weather told the whole story.

It was beautiful. And then stormy. Out of nowhere. And in this life, I pick up the pieces and scramble for the shelter I know I have in the arms of the Almighty.

“But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. ‘The Lord is my portion,’ says my soul, ‘therefore I will hope in Him’” (Lamentations 3:21-24, ESV).

In that moment I was struggling desperately with fear already, the vague harbinger of a specific storm. I felt it in my gut. A move. A new job. Another deployment? Another deployment. Fear.

My heart was sinking, hardening a little . . . moving, more goodbyes, another year apart, more loneliness. And then in the deep dark, I knew . . . I know . . . there is sunshine in between. There is sunshine after. There is joy in the morning. There is shelter in the storm. I am His.

And oh, in this life there is sunshine. Joy when “I’ll see you next week” really was next week, when I stood in a cavernous hangar that was echoing with brassy patriotic anthems and the barely contained excitement of a hundred other families, living out their own stories in the spaces around me. Joy when I caught a glimpse of my handsome, head-shaved man in lockstep, and he slid his eyes sideways and saw me and started to grin, my so serious, always composed, always professional soldier-Husband who couldn’t keep the smile from splitting his cheeks. Joy when he folded his arms tight around me, my head fitting tight under his chin, my gravity restored, albeit slightly off-kilter, because we were different, not better or worse, but different. Joy in this Army life we live together.

So, beloved, when the fear comes - when it creeps into shadowed corners and speaks dark into your heart - push back with relentless truth, with hope, and yes, joy. He loves you with a steadfast love, never ceasing. His mercy and grace are limitless. You belong to Him, a daughter of the King.


Reflection

What fears have taken root in my heart recently?

What steps do I need to take to surrender those fears to God?

What other things do I try to lean on- instead of God- when I am afraid?  How can I make an effort to trust Him above all else?

 

Prayer

Lord Jesus, thank You for your unending love and grace.  I'm so thankful for the hope I have in knowing You- that You will never leave me, that You have control over all that goes on around me, and that You are for me.  Help me to trust You and believe truth about You, even when fear surrounds me.  Give me the strength to trust You in all things.  Amen.

 

Molly Huggins (www.allthegracebetween.com) is an Army bride, one-time helicopter pilot, compulsive writer, friend seeker, and lover of color and all things textile. Her current occupation is ringmaster of the Huggins family circus (party of five). She has a B.A. in English from Covenant College and a passion for
meeting other women right in the middle of their own messy stories. Pull up a chair at her virtual beat-up kitchen table, listen to her stories, and maybe even tell her yours.





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